Mormon Girls!

I think I have figured out why the Mormon church always enjoys positive growth rates. They send out adorable girls for door to door missionary work. I’m pretty sure they send out guys too, but who cares.

Back when I was a full fledged atheist I had always promised that if I were lucky enough for them to knock on my door (I think the Mormons are the only ones who do this) I would surely invite them in and then torture them relentlessly. Torture, as in philosophically (and to heckle them about Joseph Smith). Even though I am no longer an atheist (consider me a non-denominational super crappy, cosmological theist) I still thought I’d invite them in for some discussion.

And so they knocked. And it was two bubbly, pretty Mormon girls wanting to know if I would want to learn more about Jesus Christ (and, presumably, his supposed trip to America, etc). I didn’t do it! I got stage fright or something. On the other hand, my wife was home and she is utterly hostile to religion, like Chewbacca finding Darth Vader has been invited to dinner. 

On the other hand I found myself with the case of the giggles. I told them it wasn’t a good time. They asked if they could come at another time and I said certainly and took their card. Upon closing the door my wife asked me if I was seriously going to entertain Mormonism (I think she’d rather find me in bed smoking crack with a couple emaciated crack whores than at a church service).

I told her not to be ridiculous. And of that I am serious – Mormonism is an elephant sized red pill that makes regular ol’ Christianity seem quaint in its level believability.

But I find nothing wrong with having a discussion with a couple of missionaries. In my line of work, bartending, the conversation can be mind-numbingly one-dimensional. And, by necessity (time and multi-tasking), has to be brief and of a shallow or frivolous nature. 

It would be fun. I hope they come back. And hey, it would be rare contact with young women where I am not getting them intoxicated so they can go out and defile themselves.


3 thoughts on “Mormon Girls!

    1. Hold it, is that a joke in there? Ha! I read it before I left for work and I just read it again. At first I was thinking “man, Tai, that is one awful sentence structure, grammatically ugly” then I realized guy’s wasn’t guys, it was singular. You went for the polygamy gag (drums) ba-da-dum!

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