Category Archives: Star Wars

STAR WARS VIII THE LAST JEDI

With the last installment from the mind of no-imagination J.J. Abrams making me nostalgic for the Star Wars prequels, I have No Hope for this movie. Even though I will take myself to the theater to see it.

I am not even providing a link to the new trailer. I have no real interest in seeing Mary Sue do EVERYTHING. How one explains away all the ridiculous shit Abrams put in the last installment is beyond me. My bet is, judging from the trailer, the new director and screenwriter said, “screw it, she found Luke Skywalker, she’s on the planet, we’ll just trust the audience to gloss over any “technicalities.”

The “technicalities” here consist of some of the worst story writing ever put to film. Abrams likes (or he is grotesquely incompetent) to “reboot” franchises by breaking all the rules already established by the franchise. That, however, you cannot do. You can do everything else, but the rules of the invented world are what constitute it’s verisimilitude. If Jason (Friday the 13th) can take a hatchet through his skull and still come after you, a bullet in the gut is not allowed to take him out. You, dear viewer, may balk at the unreality of his surviving the hatchet to the skull in the first place, but if you accept it then a rule has been set – nothing less than that can stop him.

The character of the girl in Abram’s Star Wars (unlike the George Lucas movies, including the prequels, I can’t remember the names of Abrams characters) acquires a complete set of Jedi skills in that film – with no knowledge, no training, without even a knowledge of a thing such as the Force. The rule is – only a long process of merciless training from a master will give you the skill to go fighting with a lightsaber against a baddie (or JJ Abrams spoiled teenager stand it.. Kylo – what a douchebag emo name). That was established in The Empire Strikes Back.

Abrams shouldn’t be allowed out of a movie set concession stand. How anyone let this guy behind a camera is beyond me. If the new director or screenwriter can fart his way out the galactic sized plot holes from the previous movie, I will consider him a writing wizard.


The Force Awakens – Revisited

Last Monday, nearly a month after seeing it the first time, I went back and watched it early in the morning. I have to say I had a much better impression of it the second time I watched it than the first time. That is certainly something I could never get myself to do with the prequels.

One of the things I had against it the first time is the usual, modern, spectacle of skinny little girls beating up men. But, on review, before she got what I have to call a Force infusion, she engaged in no upper body combat, merely kicking and a staff. That’s alright, I can buy that.

I know it is heretical to say nowadays, but girls are not as physically strong as boys. So I need a good explanation as to why a waif is sending men to the floor. Trinity in The Matrix had a very good reason – she was in the Matrix. If she was doing that to giant goons in the real world, I would have laughed.

I still have a problem with her being able to do all manner of things for which there is, as yet, little explanation. One hopes that the new guy on the film is not a drooling retard and realizes that he has to come up with a way cool power for Luke that enables him to virtually train Jedi from afar…


The Force Awakens… Tired and Confused

Star_Wars_Episode_VII_The_Force_Awakens

So I saw The Force Awakens on Christmas Eve.

Based on initial viewing – meh.

First the good points (and I’m going to be quick).

It did not look like the prequels, it had the look (so far as you can try such a thing) and feel (you can never really go back…) of the originals.

Also I knew as soon as the usual episode scroll rides to the top of the screen that we were not going to get bogged down in senate debates and Jedi council meetings, and conversations that take place on a couch, etc. We were going to get what we came for.

Unfortunately that brings right to the bad. I was almost, no I was, hoping for a council meeting, a senate debate or something. This was a JJ Abrams Star Wars, all guff and action and not a single attempt to explain anything.

Now explanation is not always necessary. In movies in particular, if you can express it through action instead of explanation through dialogue, that is the proper way. In Return of the Jedi we needed no explanation to know what is going on behind the mask as the Emperor is electrocuting his son before his eyes.

But The Force Awakens, as  I said, is a JJ Abrams film, he delights in doing things that have to have an explanation and then refuses to do so. It is as if the man enjoys pushing people out of the world of his own films.

Firstly, the trailers for The Force Awakens all had the black storm trooper (he is black when he takes off that helmet, his uniform is as any other stormtrooper) he looks like a man that has just suddenly emerged from a terrorizing nightmare. We are led to believe that this is the person of the new trilogy. But it is not, it belongs to some little girl. A girl who serves the modernly well-worn bromidic falsehood that little girls can fight and defeat men twice her size.

And that would be fine, if we were given some plausible (plausible here is plausible by the rules of the world created) reason for why she can do this. For instance, waif, Carrie Moss’s character, Trinity, in The Matrix Continue reading


No, I Actually Haven’t Yet (and then I start rambling about the prequels again…)

Luke-trial

No, I haven’t been to see the new Star Wars yet. I am a Jedi, I will see it in all patience when the time comes! Really though the wife doesn’t want to get sardined into an overpacked theater with a thousand cell phones. So I’ll wait until she’s ready.

She better not wait long. I’ve heard almost nothing but good things about it. It has a 95% rating at Rotten Tomatoes (which is one more than The Empire Strikes Back). Not infallible, but pretty impressive… most impressive. I doubt Abrams has beat out Empire for best Star Wars film (although he did have one of the screenwriters from Empire, Lawrence Kasdan) and I think it more that people are starved for even a decent (speculating, haven’t seen it yet) Star Wars installment after Lucas spent 8 years taking a giant dump on some of our childhoods.

I am assuming he stayed away from annoying children’s characters and fart and poodoo jokes and the like. George Lucas got the wrong idea about his films at some point (you can see it in The Return of the Jedi – teddy bears defeat the Imperial forces? really?). While the films were suitable for children to view, they were not by that fact children films. Herbie the Love Bug was a children’s film plain and simple.

Actually, one could contest whether the Star Wars films were ever suitable for children (at least below a certain age). You are talking about a monster (Darth Vader was a mechanical monster, half man, half machine) that ran an Empire of Nazi/totalitarian themes (Stormtroopers) who burnt some poor farm kids aunt and uncle to a crisp. An old wizard that gets cut down. And, let’s not forget a holocaust when a million (billion?) people are murdered by a giant laser. The body count in the original Star Wars was probably the biggest ever. Not onscreen, but still.

The second movie was even darker although the body count went down. We find that the monster who has just cut off the farm boy’s hand is his father. How’s that for an idea in a young kids mind? We have torture and not just torture, but torture for no reason. As Han said when his torture was over, “they didn’t even ask me any questions.”

The word for today kids is Sadism! Say it after me.

I’m not saying a kid couldn’t watch it, but saying it was intended for children from its inception just makes me wonder what kind of sick person you are then. Genocide? That’s a children’s theme for ya.

Lucas continued and intensified this confusion in his slipshod and confused prequels. Where in the same series you have the fart jokes for kids and the lizard poo poo jokes and the kid-friendly (but adult enraging) characters in a movie with the slaughter of who knows how many children. Numerous severed limbs. Pure evil, extermination of an entire class (the Jedi).

The prequels didn’t even have the benefit of being uplifting in any way like Continue reading


Where is Luke Skywalker Two and Medical Exams

I got three search engine hits for this site today titled “Where is Luke Skywalker?”

Seems I had my finger on some issue the other day. If you think about it, the fact that my insignificant (rebellion – couldn’t help it) site got three hits means there were a lot of geeks out there wondering the same thing I was.

And, no, I had nothing more interesting to say than this insignificant (don’t do it) observation!

So, I’ve been knee deep in medical stuff for the last eight months or so. Each time I study some pathology somewhere along the line “they” invariably recommend that people > some age should get examined for X every 1 – such years. We would spend long long lives by this method – in a doctors office because we wouldn’t be doing anything else.


Oh My God! Oh My God! Fan boy Pees Self and Faints

Final Star Wars trailer released last night. During Monday night football at work at the bar. People were saying, “Is that Han Solo?” “Yes, it’s fucking Han Solo! Where have you been?”

This trailer as well as the poster last night, showed no trace of Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker. This should be a sign, if the movie-makers are not total drooling retards, that Skywalker’s entrance into the movie is going to be a huge freaking payoff as millions of men my age lose their shit as their childhood hero appears on the screen.

God, I hope they do these movies well! We can all put the trauma of the prequels behind us. The original trilogy will become films 1 – 3, the new ones will be 4 – 6. We’ll probably have to live with Lucas’ messing around with the originals. I am willing to bet part of his deal with selling to Disney was they do not get the original cuts. Although if Disney does have the original cuts they could make a literal pile (very big pile) of money rereleasing them. This time I want greed to win! Go for the money, Disney! Release the original theatrical releases! Without a doubt it would be the biggest selling thing – ever. I’d buy two copies and put it on as much media as I could so no one would take it away again!

Downside. At the end of the trailer it says “Tickets now on sale.” NOW!?!? It’s two damned months away! You know no one who hasn’t already bought a ticket is seeing it on the first day. Or the second. Couple left for the third day… going, going.


Where is Luke Skywalker?

TheForceAwakens-poster

I am sure my father wishes I had grown up by now, but I really just can’t help but get excited about a new Star Wars movie. Not even George Lucas (to say nothing of maturity (or lack thereof)) and his prequels can’t get it down too much. This is, after all the story we really care about. The one that should have come after the originals. IF! If there were further movies to be made. There did not have to be. I would have been perfectly content with the originals UNMOLESTED!

So it was with no small amount of gushing that I saw the movie poster! Although I will curb my enthusiasm. I thought the Star Trek reboots with JJ Abrams to be pretty forgettable. That was a reboot, however, this is not.

I hope they don’t screw up these movies. Luke Skywalker was my childhood hero – well, from seven through eleven or so.

But onto the subject of the post. And it is just a trivial thing. There is no Luke Skywalker that I can see on that poster. Where is he? Or is he on that poster? Is he the guy at the top? That would – could – make for one hell of a story!

Let’s hope those questions were worth asking after December 19th.

Two Months!

 

 


Barbarella

Jane_Fonda_Barbarella_03pop

 

Man, what the hell happened to people in the late 60’s? This is got to be one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. And, yes, I made it through the whole thing. Hanoi Jane (part and parcel of 60’s and 70’s insanity) shows her B-acting skills in what has to be the single most worthless character to ever grace the screen. She, supposedly the only one future Earth can depend on to save the galaxy, achieves exactly zero. Except for getting laid three times and breaking the orgasm machine, which figured into the plot not at all (hold it, did I just say PLOT???) the entirety of what passes for the events of the story could have gone on completely without her.

I can’t believe this was a short few years before one of the greatest science fiction movies ever. I’m talking of course about Star Wars. [On a side note, I am seriously trying to not get excited about the new Star Wars film this Christmas. I’ll probably fail!]

I mean – wow. For those too young to remember (I was just a small child at the time myself) I called Jane Fonda Hanoi Jane because of her famous rallying for the communist Vietnam army and her deplorable words against our servicemen. Servicemen, at least in my humble opinion, that were victims of, not only a senseless war, but the worst executed war in American history. Sorry, it was not technically a war (which was part of the problem) Congress declared nothing. And, lest we forget, the draft was still in effect then as well.

The 60’s always appears to me as some sick, diabolical joke (don’t get me wrong, the 80’s were a joke as well, but that’s because we were the first trivial generation). You still hear people of the era mention how they really did something back then. It was the age of love, they were the age of aquarius, the generation of peace.

 

We’re still feeling the repercussions. The Manson Family, that is the proper symbol of the counterculture of the 60’s. It was a disaster in every single facet.

This movie reminded me of just how F’d up that period was.


Writing Just to Write

And that is just what this post is.

I got back last week from a two week trip to Tucson AZ. I think I may have picked up some bug from a hotel on the way there or back. I’ve felt like crap. Another cause could be the crappy diet a road trip usually entails if you are not careful. I ate a lot of take-out and drank copious amounts of coffee and soda. I also quit smoking (again, Bob, sheesh we’re bored by this one!); 23 days so far and that could have me feeling like crap. My lungs sort of hurt. Or its indigestion. Or I’m sick. I’ll wait a few weeks, if I’m not dead, then I should be fine!

I am quitting for real this time. I have been experiencing shortness of breath over the last year. I shouldn’t be winded going up a single flight of stairs. I’ll miss you, love. But like a crazy woman, you may stimulate me but you’ll kill me.

Reading Stephen King’s Lisey’s Story at the moment. I always read King when traveling, they seem to go together for me. Having a little trouble getting through it which is an odd experience for a King book. I usually smash through them fast. This one is giving me trouble. I’m not connecting with the characters at all. The dead husband I am not buying as a (former) writer. Also King does not make at all clear what the Continue reading